2. LETS GET REAL

[AUGUST, 2017]

I slipped into a dark place yesterday. It started with a small thought that quickly escalated into a full blown takeover by some evil force that we can refer to as the ego. 

I began my morning on what I thought was a great start, despite having not slept well and woken up too early. I kept my phone on airplane mode, put in my headphones and meditated. Sometimes my mediations are rocky. I feel like my mind is doing everything it can to take me out of the present moment. Trickery. 

And then I opened Instagram.

While I usually find great joy and inspiration as I scroll through my feed, all of a sudden I felt small. Unimportant. Invisible. 

I started comparing myself to others. Thoughts like, "why do they have more followers than me, when they're posting that?" or "Why do I even put so much time and effort into Instagram when no one cares (about me)" and so on,  started to rear their ugly heads into my headspace. 

And instead of shutting them down, and reminding myself that my worth does not depend on how many followers I have, I let myself drown in self-pity. (woe is me)

I'm not good enough. I'm not beautiful enough. I'm not skinny enough. I'm not worthy of success or fame. No one cares about me. I should just give up. 

Have you ever had thoughts like these?

They're miserable. They're all encompassing. And it can be really hard to let. them. go.

But really hard doesn't mean impossible. 

With the help of my (very kind, very grounding) boyfriend, Milo, I dissected each thought and addressed it with a question. 

IS THIS TRUE?

I'm so fortunate to receive such kind messages from you all reminding me that what I am doing/creating/sharing DOES have value. I do make a difference, even if it doesn't translate to having millions of followers on Instagram. (for now)

My goal is to create a shift - a paradigm shift - one that allows us ALL to deeply realize that we are all made up of such divinity that we can create anything in this life. We are connected, not separate. We are not lacking in anything. We are whole. We are the essence of God in physical form. We are here to play and connect and adventure and explore. Not to compare and criticize and judge. We are not here to live a life that is based in fear. We are here to love. Each other and ourselves. 

It can be challenging to remain unaffected by those sneaky negative thoughts. Those thoughts of comparison that rob our joy of all that we are. Those thoughts of judgement stealing away how perfect we already are. Those thoughts are not real. They might feel real, and they might feel powerful, but I promise you, they are not. And they only have the power we give them. 

So next time you become aware of these thoughts, (you can always check in by asking yourself how you FEEL), I challenge you to take a step back. Ask yourself if this thought is true. Ask yourself if this thought makes you feel heavy, or if it makes you feel lighter. If it makes you feel heavy, LET IT GO. Replace it with a thought that makes you feel good. Gratitude is an excellent place to start. Cant think of anything to be grateful for? How about for this day. For the fact that you woke up. That you can breathe and see and give love. Start small. Gratitude for the clothes on your back. We are all so blessed. And we have an opportunity to heal.

Lets use social media as a catalyst for love and for growth. Instead of creating competition, or being riddled with jealousy, look for love. Be kind for no reason. Give yourself a hug. Smile!

You are alive. Share love as much as you possibly can. With everyone you meet.

Especially yourself.